Wednesday 31 July 2013

Animal whisperers?

I have always and will always love animals (sometimes more than people) and I am really starting to think that they pick up on more than we give them credit for: Max has sat with me all evening and as soon as I came upstairs, the cat plonked herself on my pillow and purred in my face for ages. It's like they know you're sad and need a bit of attention or company. I like to think so anyway.
So sweet. 
I'm going to try and sleep now, if Sammy moves and hope that i feel a bit better in the morning.

Night folks.

Becca


Bleak.

Feeling rubbish. I was okay earlier. Now it feels like a thick fog has come down around me and I just want to curl up in the dark and cry. Hate it. 
😞

Becca.

Tuesday 30 July 2013

Dunga-Dunga-Dunga


I thought it was about time I dedicated a post to my favourite clothing item of recent months. My vintage dungarees. I was so excited when they came back in trend as I just think they are the cutest, comfiest item of clothing ever and I love how they make me feel like a big kid. However, at 6 foot tall, I was pretty low on hope of finding a pair that fit me comfortably. But one of my favourite stores Cow came to the rescue; I found these gems, as soon as I saw them, I knew they'd fit me, and they have that worn look that I just love when it comes to denim because it makes it so much comfier. And for only £10. Needless to say I was over the moon. On getting them home, I did realise they were maternity, but nothing a quick stitch couldn't fix, and since then, I feel a bit sad when I have to take them off to wash them. They are just so comfy and they go with nearly everything. Various people have asked me where they're from and what not and I always feel so guilty when I have to say they're vintage, but I would definitely recommend checking out stores like Cow if you are on the hunt for the perfect pair.
I think I have written enough about one simple item now.
What are your thoughts on dungarees? Have you got a favourite pair or any recommendations for buying them?

Becca.

Let's Go Surfing..

It's been a few days since my last post, but I actually feel slight withdrawal symptoms when I don't write for a few days. It's been quite a busy time, a few more evening swims, far too many indulgent meals and some pretty sweet memories. My brother surprised his girlfriend with a trip down at the weekend so it was lovely to spend some time with them, went swimming on Friday evening and then for a meal at The Old Success pub in the cove, spent far too long discussing the theme for those football heads that used to be super popular when we were kids, it has been stuck in my head ever since;
Football crazy,
Chocolate mad,
Grab a power pod
and play football with the lads..
Saturday was an epic day, me, Kaye and Charlee drove up to Newquay for a day of surfing. It was INTENSE. Five hours spent swimming/paddling/kneeling/standing/falling and occasionally crashing into one another. Probably one of the biggest workouts I've had in a while, physically and mentally. I won't lie, continually falling off something and having to get back up and swim back out when the mean little voice in your head is telling you to give up is way more difficult than I would have thought and I'm actually quite proud of myself that I didn't give up. It was pretty worth it when you do actually manage to catch a wave and stand up without nosediving into the sea. The super positive instructors we had definitely helped, if any of you are in the area and feel like having a go, Blue Wings Surf School is definitely the place to go: most schools seem to take groups of 20 - 30 people out so you pretty much get told what to do and let loose, whereas there was 9 of us in the morning and just the 3 of us in the arvie so we got personal tuition and they were so lovely and optimistic even when you continually hit the sand bum first like I did so often. And they get SO excited for you when you actually manage to do it so yeah, I would definitely recommend them.
We woke up aching pretty bad on Sunday, but instead of relaxing, we went and bought skateboards so more fun to be had there..
A beautiful meal down at Little Bo's Cafe down in the Cove and I was definitely ready for an early night.
Despite all these awesome goings on, I still have my moments of misery and just total lack of emotion which sucks and I definitely need to sort out my tablets and see if they help. But I'm kinda putting off going to the doctors because that is when I really have to face things and it is usually so mentally exhausting and what not and I am such a chicken when it comes to facing up to my emotions and having a good cry, I'd rather fake normality and then curl up under the duvet and wallow in my numbness when I'm alone. Not very healthy I know... I am sleeping more than usual which is sometimes one of my defence mechanisms, but I'm also dreaming loads and waking up regularly so I still feel knackered all the time and my appetite is all over the place. A bit annoying but I'm trying to power through. Applied for my first job at home today which is a bit scary but I am craaaaving routine and being pushed to my limits again so that I can't avoid things like I sometimes want to.
Wow, this has been a long post, I must be feeling a little self indulgent, sorry guys!!
I have been stupidly lax with taking photos this week but here are a few..


Becca.


Monday 29 July 2013

Gone Girl.


I thought I would finally give Gillian Flynn's novel Gone Girl a go as I have read so many things about it recently. Having only heard how amazing and gripping it was, nothing about the actual story, I wasn't entirely sure what to expect. Centred around the disappearance of Amy Elliot Dunne on her 5th wedding anniversary, the book is composed of her diary entries and her husband Nick's thoughts surrounding their past and present. 
At first, I wasn't overly impressed, it was interesting but not as gripping or exciting as I had hoped, given the reviews. Only just after reaching the halfway point was I really pulled into the story. I don't want to say too much because if you haven't read it, I would recommend giving it a go for a one time read as it is worth it.
By the end, I did find that I had invested feelings in the situation and I felt a need to know how it ended before I could sleep. I do also find myself agreeing with the review that states "you will want other people to read it just so you can discuss it with them" so if any of you have given it a go, please let me know what you thought!  

Becca.

Wednesday 24 July 2013

Left, right, left...

Me and Kaye thought we'd make the most of the flat sea at the moment and we went kayaking around St Michael's Mount the other evening. It was so lovely. Really therapeutic until we tried to get back to shore and ended up going in circles.. Good times:) 



Would you lie with me and just forget the world..

I've been staying down in the Cove with mum the last few nights to try and make myself feel a bit better, it's really nice having her around again and Sennen is just such a beautiful place, it can have a peaceful effect. 
When I was a teenager and I would never have dreamt of asking for help I would wander up the cliff next to my auntie's house and just sit on the rocks in the quiet and think. Because of this, it will always have an extra special place in my heart, i became who i am sat upon those rocks and I thought I'd share a bit of it's beauty with you guys because it really is something else.. 
Pretty special huh? 
Can you tell I'm feeling pensive at the moment? Makes a bit of a change from being anxious and twitchy, I feel content just sitting and thinking, not always great thoughts but still, it makes a change from my obsessive fidgeting.. 

Do you guys have any special places?

Becca.

Monday 22 July 2013

Fidget.

Feeling really tired and yet really restless. Purchased Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn to see if it is worth all the hype. Struggling to focus on it though. Grr. Got a tablet stuck in my throat as well! A day of minor irritations. I am slightly excited about the Royal Baby though, don't even know why, I just think it's kinda lovely:) 
Might go wander the cliffs with the mutt to try and clear my head.
Hope you guys are having reasonable Mondays.

Becca.

Sunday 21 July 2013

OCD.

When I get down or start to struggle, I have a tendency to become really obsessive, can anyone relate to this? 
As I said, it's been a bit of a tough week and my latest coping mechanisms have been friendship bracelets and The Office US. I have followed the Office from the beginning and just love it so much, but even by my standards, this week has been ridiculous. I think I may have watched seasons 4, 5, 6 and 7 over 5 times. (They're my favourites because Jim and Pam are together and Michael is still there.) whilst watching this on repeat I have braided and plaited so much string, my pals are set for life for wristwear. I am aware sometimes that I get like this and yet I can't stop it, I have to keep busy to avoid thinking, I am a massive over thinker and I don't like it. Yet another of depressions many cruel traits; you want to be alone and shut yourself off even though you absolutely hate your own company. It ain't fun. 
I think blogging is helping though, it is giving me something to do but it is more productive than many of my aversion techniques so I am truly thankful to any of you that sit and read my rambling thoughts. You're all helping in a funny way. 
Anyway, I'm off for a BBQ with my mum and my wonderful Cornish second family, the Stenners. Hope you've all had lovely weekends. 

Becca.

Unseen.

Karin Slaughter used to be one of my favourite crime authors, until she did something almost unforgivable, she killed my favourite character. Resulting in me throwing the book on the floor and being told off by mum. (It was a hardback, they're expensive you know) Anyway, that aside, I still read her books as I am a nerd and can't let go of some of her other characters. Unseen is her latest work and is definitely one of her best to date. It has been a while since I read a book that I genuinely couldn't put down, it is so fast paced that once you begin, that's it, you are drawn in and can't stop. I don't want to say too much as I don't want to ruin it, particularly for mum who is starting it soon. But it is a gripping tale that forces you to pay attention,all centred   around one particular drug raid and a few main characters; worlds collide and so much goes on that it almost feels necessary to take notes. As usual, you are rooting for the wonderful and broken GBI inspector Will Trent as he tries to juggle undercover work, a relationship and a past he never seems to be able shake. Between him and troubled police detective Lena, there is never a moment to rest for the reader. As much as I may never forgive Slaughter for her previous tales, I strongly recommend giving some of her books a go if you're a fan of brutal crime and intense characters; you will not be disappointed. 

Have any of you read any of Karin Slaughter's work? What do you think?

Becca

Rainbows and Thunder clouds.

This past week has been one of extreme lows and some highs which is why I've been a bit slack with the blog. 
Last Saturday I went out for drinks with some friends which was lovely, a glass of wine in a sunny beer garden with friends just makes me feel kinda content. For this occasion I wore my trusty creepers, the highest shoes you'll probably ever see me in:) teamed with a plain light grey skirt and one of my favourite tops ever: I totally love most things Urban Outfitters produce and recently I have started to swear by their simple cottons. This black vest is one I always pull out when I'm feeling indecisive. With it's simple front and slightly different back, it hangs perfectly and goes with EVERYTHING. 
Sunday however, was not such a good day, depression came creeping back up on me and I had a bit of a breakdown. Everything down here was getting a bit much and I finally cracked and let out a lot of what I was feeling. After quite a lot of hysterics, me and mum decided I would be better off going home, sorting out the new therapy and trying to find work there. However, she is house sitting in Cornwall for two weeks and didn't want me to be home alone so I'm here until then which is nice. After getting in such a state I ended up going to the doctors on Monday which is never fun and he's decided that these tablets aren't working for me and I should switch on to a whole new group of antidepressants which is kinda frustrating but I trust they know what they're doing. And he's said that counselling and therapy will be much harder if I don't have the right chemical support so it makes sense and here is to hoping he's right and I'm on track to something better. I have to go and see him again this week to sort out what I'll be on and I'm trying not to get too nervous:/ doctors terrify me and I am so good at getting myself in a state. 
After such an emotional few days, it was lovely to head home for my graduation and see my family, pets and friends:) 
After a lot of travelling, I am back in Cornwall for the next two weeks and feeling a bit more positive now I have a plan. Let's hope it stays that way for a while. I hate feeling down because I never know when I'm gonna cry or panic or anything and it totally takes over and is such an exhausting battle. 
Anyway, here are some photos from this week:) 

Becca.

Floral bomber jackets are so in at the moment and when I moved back home i found this beauty from H&M years ago, chuffed! 
This is Maia, my cousin's beautiful daughter who I am missing loads while I'm in Cornwall! Isn't she amazing! 


Graduation!

After four years of uni, the moment had finally arrived!! I think my parents were more excited than me; I was absolutely terrified of being that one person that falls over or something. But I did it, made it all the way across the stage and got my certificate. In all honesty, it felt like a bit of an anti climax but oh well, it's not something I'm ever going to have the chance to do again so it was worth the crazy amount of travelling involved to get there and back. 
It was yet another crazy hot day, so I opted for my favourite Primark sandals, that I honestly think look way more expensive than they were:) Anyone will tell you that I'm not the dressiest girl there is and I cannot handle heat at all, so I went for a super loose floaty number from Urban Outfitters, with a beautiful red and white pattern that photographed like Gingham but isn't, the loose fit and drop waist were perfect and I will definitely be wearing it again and again over summer. My only issue of the day was hair, I'm trying to grow it out and hate wearing jt down but obviously had no option to with the hat so I wasn't too keen on that but oh well. 
It was lovely to see my good pal Sacha again as I doubt I would have survived final year without her and was super happy to throw my hat in the air by her side. And my beautiful housemate Mel who graduated last year came up for the day which was really nice:)
All in all, a memorable day:) 

Becca

I failed massively at the hat throw and kept launching it at the unfortunate people taking photos, hence the face...

Monday 8 July 2013

Just Keep Swimming.

I know that pretty much the whole of the UK has been basking in this gorgeous weather we've been having, probably even more so when you're lucky enough to live in a place a beautiful as Cornwall. It's been a funny old week though, still no luck job wise which is really starting to suck and then there seems to be loads of little things just nagging at my mind. Like a bunch of mice nibbling at something, I never feel quite at ease and I hate it, I start to feel sick or really fidgety or really wanting to sleep to avoid it all. Makes me feel so ungrateful sometimes, because I know I shouldn't feel like this or I should be happier or something but my brain just won't let me. I constantly feel like I'm smiling because I'm expected to but it isn't quite reaching my eyes. We've been swimming in the sea in the evenings when Kaye finishes work and it is lush and really calming which is always a good thing. Although, I do have a horrific cold now, hopefully the two aren't linked.. 
Sorry, I think this might be a bit of a rambley all over post but my brain is so twitchy at the moment, I must have made more than ten friendship bracelets today, I just can't sit still when anxiety kicks in, i have to have something to focus on or i feel like i may implode. 
I'm missing my mum quite a bit this week but I get to see her again on Wednesday YAY! And I am so lucky to have Kaye, no matter how uncomfortable my misery makes her, she can always make me smile by doing something genuinely sweet and amusing like offering to let me drive her car on a dark country lane when she is quite aware I have never driven a car in my life... Worryingly, I think she would actually go through with it. Haha. 
Sorry again for my gibberish, here are some nice photos from this weeks beach antics...

Becca