And straight on til morning...
I feel like my life has been in a bit of a state of transition these last few months; as if I've been on quite a journey with myself despite not really actually going anywhere.
It makes me sad that I haven't written on here in so long but at the same time, I have embraced the opportunity to live life without constantly analysing it for the sake of putting some words on the internet.
Quite a lot has changed since my last post: Me and mum packed up the only home I've ever known and moved into a beaut little cottage just around the corner. I didn't expect it to be easy, but leaving a place with so many memories really did have an effect on me. We are now fully settled in the new place and despite a few ups and downs, it does feel like home. There have been a few romances come and gone, some better than others but each one teaching me things about myself I didn't know before and I take those feelings and carry on. The biggest change has most definitely been career wise though: On a bit of a whim I applied for a job at company my lovely pal Mel works at as a Specialist Support Worker. The interview was possibly one of the most stressful things ever! I barely remember what I said let alone how I came across to potential employers but I must have done something right as they said they were bowled over by my enthusiasm and decided to give me a whirl. That was just over 6 months ago and I feel that it has been one of the most positive things that has ever happened to me. I work almost daily, mainly with children and one adult all on the autistic spectrum and it is incredible. Challenging and exhausting at times but also inspiring and entertaining and every other emotion you can possibly imagine. It has also pushed me to start actually planning my future; realising that working with children is someting I thrive on, I have been pursuing work experience and voluntary opportunities wherever I can. Thanks to one of my old teachers, I managed to get a weeks experience and my old high school and am now pushing to get a Teaching Assistant job there come September. As much as I adore support work and will hopefully continue with it for as long as possible, the lack of proper routine isn't ideal for my mental health and general well being especially if I want to start on the road to becoming a counsellor. I guess you could say that I now have a plan, a goal, an aim in life and that is great, it certainly took me long enough. But my God, it scares me. When I was flitting around just waitressing or getting by, I definitely still had that final goal, but it seemed so far away it didn't actually affect me. Now the real potential for failure is there and, being my own worst critic with a hell of a lot of insecurities, I don't handle failure well. I'm just trying not to think about that really though and knuckling down as much as I can.
Given the amount I feel I have matured recently, naturally some sort of momento was required. I've added to my tattoo collection quite a bit this year but to mark myself finally letting go of my childhood dream of being a Lost Boy or a pirate, I had two stars inked on the back of my arm, the right one bolder than the left. I'll never quite stop hoping for that escape...
Heather ended up getting the same thing as we are just that cool and she is also doing so fab at life recently as a grown up, an impulsive moment was required:)
This has turned in to quite the self indulgent essay, sorry about that! I'm hoping I can keep up my ramblings as there is a lot I would like to share.
Thanks for stickin' with me!
Becca.
